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Diary Entry, 17th of July, 2023

Writer's picture: Benjamin PowerBenjamin Power

Updated: Jan 6

In general, I take it the likes of Mark Collett define "child abuse" exclusively as incest and sexual molestation, and even then only really focus on transsexuals and Muslim rapists, ignoring the family unit altogether. In my own life, I admit, I was forcefully raped once as a child by an older boy, a Pakistani bully, who made habit of humiliating me publicly with mockery and physical violence as much as he pinned me down and performed a couple of disgusting acts on me in private. It haunted me for quite a while. Oddly perhaps, it didn't scar me long-term as much as rendered me cynical and opened my eyes to other races. It remained, always at root, my parents and their emotional (and periodic) physical abuse that shattered me inside though. My Dad telling derogatory jokes about me to that bully once as they both laughed at me hurt extremely. I was bullied quite a lot at school by a range of rich public school snobs. Almost every day, for 10 years. Mum never intervening or particularly noticing hurt me - and continuing to socialise with the mothers of those bullying me. Beyond that, their general toxic pedagogy and petty, humiliating authoritarianism by nature, and their general lack of faith in me and lack of interest in me beyond their desired roles was more unbearable than anything. It lasted right up until adulthood, and still goes on today. Yes, repeat emotional damage is the most painful to me. I was angry at the Pakistani and his family, pissed off and impotent. More of a roughing-up setback than a self-implosion though. A violent bar-room brawl measured against a systemic piecemeal suicide. I never expected the outside world to be as kind as I thought my parents would have to be. These damn white nationalist 'campaigners for children' never seem to consider this.


Note: One only has to look at the reverend attitude with which the Right treats grooming gang victims (whom I am not diminishing the suffering of in any way, as it is great) to that with which they view 'the mentally ill' at large to see this bizarre dichotomy in action. After all, those manifesting depressive, and especially psychotic symptoms, are in the vast majority victims of severe abuse also, hence why they are suicidally depressed or psychotic at all. I have come to the conclusion that this double-standard is due to their ignorance over the trauma model of mental disorders, and their general naivety regarding the multi-million dollar industry of psychiatry, a cruel, intensely powerful brainwashing system of punitive medicine conducted for the sake of drug companies and for their investors and benefactors. Hopefully I can provide some resources on my website here that change at least a few minds, by highlighting a solution to this pervasive dispassion and ignorance.



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